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#31
The day her mother died, Mary's driver's license expired. | But these were only the beginning of her troubles. On the way to the funeral, Mary got pulled over. The woman exiting the cruiser looked quite familiar to Mary, except for the blank stare in her eyes, and the way she kept chanting "Brains! Brains!" | The cop made eye contact. "You got any?" Mary said, "Yes, ma'am, a pair, right here." "Show me." Mary got out of the car and started to dance. Twirling around, her head stretched as usual and her brains peered out. "Okay," the cop said. | "Got a registration for those?" "Sure do," said Mary, opening her glovebox. "Sorry," said the cop, "It's just we get these no-brainers out here sometimes, trying to dig up fresh graves so they can bootleg some gray matter. Standard precaution." | Thirty seconds later the cop was peering down the barrel of a flamethrower. Mary peered out in a glassy haze of greed. Glancing in the back seat, the cop saw an empty packet of FakeBrain. 'Ah, he thought, my favorite kind.' He raised his weapon.

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