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Jim and Mary had been friends for a long time. Jim owned an old junk store in town, where everyone brought old boxes from their attic. One day, Mary came bearing a huge trunk. She couldn't get the lock open, and asked Jim to help her. | Suddenly, Jim asked himself a question he should've been asking years ago. "Why would anyone ever own a junk store?" and, more importantly, "why would anyone ever be friends with someone so inept that they failed at unlatching an unlocked hinge?" | No one ever brought anything useful to the store. By now it was crammed wall-to-wall with ratty clothes and old broken toys that Jim couldn't pay to get rid of. But after all, Mary was his friend, so he agreed to help her open her trunk. | Pulling out his shotgun, he fired a few rounds into the chest. No luck. Next, he doused it in propane and lit it on fire. No luck. Thinking for a moment, he threw it out the window and drove over it with an 18-wheeler. No luck. Finally, | he tried flipping the latch by hand and discovered that the chest was unlocked. Inside were such assorted items as the holy grail, the fountain of youth, and the slightly disgruntled but entirely alive Elvis. "You're an idiot," Jim observed.